There have been a handful of times in my life, maybe four or five or so, where I was walking in a dark parking garage or similar venue alone in a city at night, and came across a sketchy-looking dude that was looking at me weird or otherwise triggered my confrontational intuition based on his vibe, clothing, and/or body language.

And each time I kept it cool on the surface, looked at him confidently, but kind of subtlety clenched my fists and was internally amping myself up with uncontrollable adrenaline like, “You want to fucking go dude?” and began running through mental routines of how to drop him based on certain approaches, or what if he has a knife and how to focus on that, etc.

To this day, I don’t know what percentage of them were intending to be a problem. Maybe none. Maybe one or two out of five. I think at least some of them probably triggered defensive instincts in me for a reason; those aren’t there for no reason. Some aspect of them seemed acutely out of place or overly intentional, etc. Studies generally suggest that attackers pick out less confident looking people. Easy targets. They use their instincts too. Part of me wonders if any of them might have tried something if I slumped my shoulders and tried to walk quicker to my car rather than look straight at them and and basically amp myself up while also acting like nothing was happening. Some vibe of me was present for their instincts too.

But perhaps more importantly, I wonder what it feels like to be totally afraid there. To have no defenses, no answer. It happens to people all the time. You’re in a parking lot or garage and there is a sketchy dude or a few drunk guys. You get on a small elevator with a guy and it is you and him and he’s 80 pounds heavier. My father put me in martial arts so that I wouldn’t face a scenario with no answers. While I might feel adrenaline or concern, I never feel powerless. I immediately start running through options. I wonder what people feel like in these situations if they have literally never had a fight in their lives. Like, I might or might not win in this scenario, but either way it’ll be absolutely vicious if it gets down to it. I can’t imagine having no answer.

Or the doorbell rings at 9pm while my husband is on travel. 95% of me like “probably a neighbor” and the other 5% of me is looking out the window and clenching my fists slightly and running through those same routines and thinking about the closest knife location in case this gets weird.

I think that is an important aspect to teach people. Everyone should have basic defense training. Not everyone is going to have extensive combat training, but everyone can have some basics to boost their chances by either improving their vibes to avoid being targeted or having some basic starting points of what to do if attacked, since some actions like yelling and having a handful of moves to get away from a grab or hit someone back or otherwise make someone realize that it’s not worth it. It’s the same as having basic cooking skills, basic repair skills, how to change a tire, etc. you just have to know a few things.