My first experience with a large dose was "accidental"

I mean, I realised right there accidents are just unforeseen design.

But let's say I wasn't planning on doing it.

I ate a large quantity thinking probably tolerance was embedded or I don't really know what I thought.

I ended up in an abandoned field of poplar trees and apple trees.

I tried to take a couple of grown poplars to plant at home. And it was hard and I don't know how, but I managed to take them out with my bare hands from the ground. Two of them. And take them home with me to plant in my yard and ask them to help me combat the burning summer western sun. (It never worked)

When I moved so much blood and soil I started to feel the nausea of the shrooms inside my stomach.

Oooh that nausea was permeating all my being and pouring out of my psyche. I wasn't only nauseating in my plexus as a chopped part of my system.

This nausea was holistic. It was integrated and so profound that it touched from my sexuality to my internal dialogue.

It went from my history and childhood to my desire for a bright future.

And that nausea showed me all mistaken path and err. All parasite behaviour I had ever performed and all harm and self harm I did.

And all the consequences.

I rushed to the bathroom in pain and desperation decided to chop of my beard as I don't know how it was related. Ready to purge and wash all my sins in the most deep scratching shower I could have.

I was ready to drink vinegar and vomit.

But most of all I was preparing myself for a good round of self punishment ( not in the real sense, in a psychic dialogue)

As always the internal mechanisms of speaking to oneself in detrimental ways were firing and triggering;

How I can be so bad?

I'm just a piece of shit.

I've ruined my life.

I've caused so much harm.

And just when that was flying in my head as bullets to the brain I heard the voice.

A gentle compassionate voice.

A soft and loving energy in my ears:

"Easy, build on top of this"

And its touch bathed me in compassion and light.

I looked around in complete awe.

What on earth was that?

It wasn't coming from anywhere.

Its touch, as I like to call it , was filled with a lightning stroke of information. The voice was filled with all that I needed to develop knowing for the rest of my life about the subject. As condensed as a lifelong of experiences waving through me like water . In just an instant.

And it said:

"Repent, total change of attitude"

And again I got it all.

As I could feel, be , see every bit of information sent by this voice in a split second. Touching and polarising around every electric charge and cell of my body with new directions and programs.

I was completely stunned.

But this time I silenced myself so I could hear such an angelical voice.

And I could feel presences around me, and images of men and women from other worlds presented to me through imagination.

And again

"To ascend is alike to descend"

"Whenever you want, go up, it's okay" and as I heard that I saw drops of water in the glass running down shaping like travelling sperm or ascending souls.

And I could see spirals of hell and spirals of heaven at the same time. And how each one of those dragged everyone I knew with me as I was the creator of my story

And it was my choice.

To change my behaviour in an instant of choice to the other polarity. And to walk the other way of my own sins and punishments.

It was all at my reach as I could ascend or descend .

Heaven or hell.

I watched the palms of my hands and it was written on them with such clarity, as movies playing and replaying, all the actions and decisions I took through my entire life.

In one hand the negatives and self destructives. In the other the positive and constructives. Playing and replaying, as screens, the paths to heaven on earth and the paths to hell. As spirals of action

I realised my body has a memory of its own.

And it learns.

And I wasn't it. I wasn't my body. I was up and way beyond it. But it was created by me and gifted to me by myself. And it was so precious and perfectly crafted that I could only admire its peculiarities.

As the avatar, as the cosmic spaceship of the soul I was above piloting seeing myself from the top.

"It takes courage and value/bravery" (in spanish the word is valor it means both) said the voice.

And I knew the decisions I had to make and how I was going to behave. Because I was a coward feeding cowardice before. Not daring to step away from my own harming actions.

I spoke to my own body.

And every cell was staring at me.

And every cell had a singular expression that was in harmony with the rest of it.

And all my members and parts of my body looked at me back.

Have you seen a dog that did something wrong, very wrong, and knows it? And it looks at its owner like, "my bad I'm so so sorry it wasn't on purpose"?

Have you? There are good funny dog videos out there like " the couch exploded" and that.

That was the look I received from my hands and feet and belly and penis and head.

And I spoke to them, members of my body and said:

Let's do this together.

Let's talk to eachother and know when we are about to make a mistake.

Let's walk this life with the bravery of those dying.