That's completely understandable. The intellectual journey your describing is almost identical to what I experienced over the past decade or so. I went from a "democracy is the pinnacle of human existence" npc to ... well, whatever is in direct opposition to that. Hoppe and Rothbard were the most eye-opening reads for me. Realizing just how much I was indoctrinated and how deep the programming went helped burn away so much of what I believed to be part of my personality.

All that to say that I think it's cool that you find a way to work through this. Good on you.