honestly if you're kind of a dumbass and don't particularly enjoy physical labor of any kind, your best bet is to plot the absolute cheapest possible path to a "hard" business degree ("hard" being used here like "hard sci-fi") like accounting, finance, logistics

you will be doing the same thing as the english major $200,000 in debt but if you play your cards right (tip: junior college then transfer to cheap state school) you will be orders of magnitude more employable and without too much student loan baggage