I have come to the conclusion that the way relays currently work is retarded.
Discussion
I don’t know shit about fuck but seems relevant 
What about it makes you say that?
Managing relays is annoying. If you have too few, names and convos start disappearing. Too many and your client starts crashing every few minutes.
Yes that is shitty, I think for the most part it's shit clients but there will always be a limit to relays and wss connections are very resource intensive.
Some clients try to use a central server to fetch the content for you, but then you're at the mercy of that one server.
Anecdotally I’m inclined to agree. I’ve noticed that the moment I follow someone their posts will flood my feed for about a week before things seem to stabilize a bit.
Relays are intended to be retarded (dumb).