The only real estate I'm interested in spending my Bitcoin on must:

1. Be at least 5 acres in size

2. Have a stone-built house

3. Include woodland and a stream running through it

4. Be close to both the mountains and the sea

Am I missing anything?

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You need a good size barn and workshop. A rifle range too preferably.

Unfortunately, most of the countries I have in mind don't allow gun ownership, unless it's small shotguns for pest control. That could still work though 😄

Im not a boomer!

5. Zero property taxes

I doubt I'll find anything like that. Even if they offer it, they rob you elsewhere 😄