“The essence of traditional masculinity is the denial of vulnerability. The more invulnerable you are, the more manly you are. The more vulnerable you are, the more girly you are. Here’s why that’s an issue…

The idea that we have to deny our own humanity, our vulnerability, our feelings… All of us men who buy into this are haunted by anxiety. We don’t live up to this standard. We know we don’t live up to it. The reason we don’t is because what we’re trying to live up to is a lie. And because there is no room for imperfection, we bounce back and forth between shame.

If we’re not perfect, then we’re unlovable losers. But we have to a low tolerance for that before we’ve puffed back up into grandiosity. And what’s devilish about that shunt from shame to grandiosity is that it works. You feel better in a rage than you do feeling bad. You feel batter being godlike and invulnerable than you feel being defective and vulnerable.

That’s why dominance is so seductive to boys and men. But it’s a feel-good illusion that will ruin the lives around them.”

– Terry Real