lately ( for like the past year ) most days when i wake up right before i fully become conscious i am in this horrible state of clarity where i see my whole life, my family, women, the world etc. for what they really are ...

then when i fully wake up this awareness goes away and is replaced by awareness of my immediate surroundings instead ...

it is truly torture to be in that state of seeing everything for what it is as clearly i can see my keyboard in front of me right now ...

when i am in that state i literally can't imagine going on like this then 5 minutes later i am fully awake and feel perfectly fine and happy ...

moral of the story - happiness comes from stupidity, distraction and being trapped in the moment

and wisdom leads to suicide