tbh, it's the crabs in the bucket problem: like ok well I'm not like you and I'm not supposed to be in this fucking bucket but ouch? I can only pretend like your goddamn claws haven't made me bleed so many times before I start hallucinating about the day I'm out of this bucket.

(I'm a little mouse in a crab bucket in this metaphor and my tail is gone. unsure whether it will grow back someday.)