It's possible you dropped those girls out of concern for their well-being. But humans rarely kill things they truly love....even if it's a messy relationship.

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You didnt read it right or I wasnt clear enough maybe. Let me clarify: I never knew why I pushed them away, nor why I did the same with all my friends. I just felt most in peace when alone. That was before I was diagnosed with ptsd. So now I know why and therefore I know it's likely to happen again.