I really need a to find a lightweight parsing tool for JavaScript. Splitting lines and using regexes is just... harder than what I should be doing. And I keep encountering oddball text responses. (And often creating them myself.)

I know people talk fondly of SNOBOL, though I can't imagine it's the right thing now... but something in the spirit of SNOBOL perhaps is the right thing? A kind of DSL, like regexes are a DSL, only... bigger and better.