Israel just flattened an entire neighborhood. We’re not condemning it — they used modern, eco-friendly munitions.

Iran responded with missiles. Sadly, they were carbon-heavy, so… barbaric.

If a child dies in the Middle East, but isn’t Western: “Unfortunate incident.”

If a Western kid dies: “A direct attack on civilization.”

But don’t worry — this is not a clash of civilizations. It’s just Eastern people perfecting the art of mutual destruction.

We’re watching from the Louvre.

Iranian clerics shout Allahu Akbar with rockets; Israeli ministers whisper God is with us holding nuke codes.

What do they have in common? Their gods seem to love the sound of explosions.

Want to stop this war? Try silencing the holy books. The first spark of gunpowder always starts with a verse.

And please, someone organize an LGBT+ inclusive memorial for the dead already — we’re losing human rights points, and Brussels is getting upset.