In growing up, I kept receiving judges about my appearance from the relatives in the family gathering that, “oh you’ve got the very high forehead but too little hair” etc. Maybe they thought it was just harmless joking, but those mocking tone and laughter hurt me a lot since I was only a sensitive teenage girl. I was too young to handle all these situations I thought it was all my fault that I looked like this. So I always stepped into the toxic cycle of self blamed - self doubt - self frustration.

But no, as I read I learn I met now people and I now understand that that’s totally not my fault. It’s only that they are very rude. Yes, VERY RUDE. Will you encounter someone on the street and judge at him”oh no you’ve got a big nose that’s ugly!” No of course you don’t, so why do you think you have a right to do that to someone you know( or you think you know?) Even a parent has no right to do that to their child. If they do, that only mean they don’t have a polite manner and they treat you poorly and you can just cut them off in your life.

Is that very cold blooded? No, not at all, we don’t choose our family at the beginning of our life, but as we grow up, we have the right to choose what life we wanna live and what people we wanna hang out with. It’s not only a right, it’s a must if we wanna be happy and really live a healthy life. If any relationship makes you feel uncomfortable, no need to suffer or questioning, just stay away and build up what you want, what you feel happy and confident living with.

I now hold(although still need to keep reminding myself) a no expectation attitude towards any relationship, no matter to friends or family, if I give my love, I’m just giving, and expect no returns. I’m giving because I want to, not because I want something back in the future. If someday I decide to stop giving, that’s only because I don’t feel want to, I don’t feel comfortable doing that anymore. No holding no tangling.