CONGRATULATIONS VLADIMIR PUTIN!

You achieved what Stalin, Khrushev, and Breznev tried in vain: turn the United States of America into a Russian puppet state, with a government that will not dare do half a grumble that might displease you. Without firing a bullet -- in spite of an economy on the brink of collapse, an arsenal fit for the junkyard, and an army that only excels at dying.

Looking forward for the parade in Washington to commemorate that victory!