I get why Tor is good but the experience of using it with LN really makes me want say 'fuck it' and enable clearnet and dox my home IP.

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I think I'm just gonna pipe it through my VPN provider and make the fedbear chase a slower camper than me.

Similar here. I’m working on setting up a LN node that’s going to pipe through WireGuard out to a VPS on Linode. Following this guide but going to try to make it work with C-Lightning instead of LND (working on both simultaneously because I’m a masochist): https://github.com/TrezorHannes/vps-lnbits-wg

Some VPN services offer port forwarding over specific IP's. I might be able to achieve a somewhat private static clearnet IP on a random port in that fashion