No amount of coffee can get me right today.

Might try pouring it directly into my eyes, has anyone tried this? Will post video later 👍

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Did you tried sugaring it with amphetamine?

You need to learn how to drink. Tequila (aka suicide tequila) goes into the eyes and you snort the salt. Coffee goes into the arm.

The trick is to grind the beans really fine then snort it.