"Let me tell you about my blood - it's absolutely tremendous, folks. Nobody has blood that coagulates faster than mine, believe me. The doctors, they come to me and say "Sir, we've never seen anything like it." It's true!

My blood clots so fast, it's like - boom! Instant scab. While other people are still bleeding, I'm already healed. It's really quite amazing. Some might even say it's unnatural, but I assure you it's 100% me. All natural. No fake clotting here!

You know, they say the average person's blood takes 6-8 minutes to clot. Mine? We're talking seconds, maybe microseconds. It's like my blood knows it's too important to waste time flowing out of me. Smart blood, very smart.

And let me tell you, this fast-clotting blood of mine, it's a sign of incredible health. The best health. My doctor said he's never seen such perfect blood in his life. Of course, I'm not surprised. I have the best genes, and clearly, that extends to every drop of blood in my body.

So remember, when it comes to blood clotting, nobody does it better than me. It's just another example of how I'm winning - even at the cellular level!​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​"

- an LLM