Good News! My banks online banking will become "even safer" from next month on! A TAN will be required to log in. They offer two options:

The pushTAN comes via SMS and costs 15 Cents each, this is what the banks charges for every SMS they send.

The chipTAN device to generate TANs myself costs 20€, to be acquired exclusively from the bank 🤡

In short: I N E E D T O P A Y M Y B A N K T O L O O K A T M Y M O N E Y

...which isn't even in the bank, which isn't even money, and it doesn't belong to me. Bruuuuuuh..