Trying to install Linux onto a device that is too stupid to recognize it's USB port from a home in the ground. Has no disk drive, no ethernet port. Im running out of patience and might end up using it as shooting range target practice.

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What kind of device?

Lenovo mini book 4gb ram. It's pretty terrible, i thought a lightweight linux os would be its only option, but even that seems to be impossible.

Is it 32 or 64 bit?

64

I'm attempting on a usb i had specifically for tails out of desperation and flashing a light weight distro on it

So you go to boot menu, do you see the USB device there? If so, there are a few things that could be going on, go in your bios and toggle UEFI/legacy (whatever it was, change it) and see if it works. If that doesn't work try making the USB drive again possibly with a different one.

Also make sure you turn off windows secure boot in your bios.

If the device simply doesn't show you can try making it again on a different drive and plugging into a different slot.

It worked with a different drive finally