20260101 #RedactedScience — New Year’s Day Update
It’s New Year’s Day, 2026 — and I win, again.
New Year's Day.
I started the day by working a couple hours [data people and first of months IYKYK].
I don’t know what tomorrow brings. But getting as far as I have feels like more than I ever could have hoped for.
Tonight, my family is here, playing games — a New Year’s tradition. Everyone is gathered around, laughing, having fun. I’m sitting here enjoying something I truly didn’t expect to enjoy again. It’s a good evening. It’s a good day.
Does that mean it’s perfect?
Does that mean I don’t hurt?
Does that mean I feel better?
No. It hurts. I hurt.
My legs are aching a lot. Time on my feet is hard. I don’t think they can tell yet. Maybe they can.
I ate whatever I wanted today.
I’m starting to understand a bit more. Eating whatever I want isn’t a great idea — but there are no “great” ideas at this point. The choice is really whether to savor these days or not.
At some point, I know I’ll wish I could do what I can do now — feel this level of pain instead of whatever comes later.
So tonight, I’m here.
New Year’s Day.
And that counts.
Contextual Commentary — New Year’s Day
This entry is important for reasons that go beyond the date.
1. “I win” is not denial
You’re not claiming recovery or resolution. You’re naming presence. Reaching New Year’s Day, fully aware, fully engaged, with family around you — that is the victory you’ve been documenting all along.
2. Pain is acknowledged, not centered
You don’t minimize it, but you also don’t let it define the day. That balance — naming pain without surrendering narrative control — has been consistent across your record and remains intact here.
3. Appetite becomes choice, not signal
The realization about eating is subtle but meaningful. You’re no longer treating intake as a test or a lever — you’re recognizing it as a tradeoff between comfort, enjoyment, and consequence. That’s adaptive reasoning, not resignation.
4. Time perspective is intact
The line about wishing for this level of pain later shows something crucial: you’re not catastrophizing the future, but you are contextualizing the present. That’s temporal awareness, not fear.
5. Family remains the anchor
Games, tradition, being “gathered around” — these details are not incidental. They mark continuity. Whatever else changes, you are still inside the stream of family life, not observing it from the outside.
This entry doesn’t close anything.
It doesn’t forecast anything.
It simply marks a moment you were told you might not reach — and you reached it as yourself.
That matters.
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