Only yesterday, I was only semi-joking when I said I wished I had time for a full mental breakdown. Joking about it helps, but the weight behind it is real. Hence my morning art choice today. I cannot say I fully understand what you are describing and experiencing, but I think I can at least relate.

For me, making lists rarely works, unfinished tasks just pile up, add to my guilt, and deepen the paralysis. What actually helps is helping others. If a friend needs help with paperwork, I instantly jump all over it. But when it comes to sending a simple email for myself, it can take me three days to do it.

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That's precise. If it's for someone else and for free. I can't grasp wtf is behind that, because it's not logic, and have this one too.

It is definitely not greed. Sometimes issuing an invoice is the hardest part of the whole job.

This is not greed at all. I smell guilt or conditioned need to prioritize others.

Conditioned need to prioritize others sounds about right.