Trump announcement tonight (or what he should say):

“As promised, we are kicking off the hugely important U.S. Bitcoin Reserve. As a president for the people, I have instructed my administration to contribute $2,000 per person to the reserve, to be immediately converted into bitcoin. This is tax neutral thanks to the Trump Tariffs which all the dumbest people disagreed with. I love tariffs, bigly. In turn, 50% of all gains above the initial investment will be distributed in 2028, in the last months of my amazing presidency and ahead of the elections. The great American people will remember their favorite president as they enter into the voting booth and America will once again be great. The remainder will remain in the reserve until 2040, at which time up to 25% per year can be sold to cover our national debt.”