Why can't you do it?

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isn’t that just more computationally demanding for everyone. now i’m just spamming relays with many very-specific queries

You don't need to constantly spam relays if you keep a good local performant cache index which is what is missing in most clients.

oh wait i misread this

I can't make a query such as pull all sommsffeld notes and order them by zaps, I can only query 500 of your notes basically at random and get no associated notes (ie other events that react to your notes) - it's too dumb

True