it also reminds me that in many cases "dating" isn't even a formal thing. you are at a cafe and start a conversation with some person who looks interesting for some reason. you are at a party and talking to a friend and rando girl shows up and starts listening...
there is something obstructive about the thing like that meme of the "friend zone" where it stops you exploring and playing and makes it seem like some formal examination with high stakes
I learned a lot by observing friends and people around me rather than dates. My husband was the first guy I didn't already know who ever asked me on a date. Technically a skype coffee date.
It told me it was casual, he knew I wasn't geographically close to him, and that it was for potential romantic reasons rather than just friendship. At the end of it he said, "I really enjoyed this, wanna do it again?"
He usually never asked someone for a 2nd one unless he actually wanted to know the person more.
We got married 68 days later because we'd gone through everything we could think of, and ran out of reasons not to get married! Others might wait 2 years and still don't know as much about each other as we did.
That's part of why I wrote the book. I wanted to give others a good example of how to be more intentional when dating, and looking for a spouse rather than just stumbling in the dark, trying to figure it out, and then get engaged where maybe they do premarital counseling and find out things about the other person they had no clue about, and then need to decide if they wanna stick with it or move on. But at that point, there's way more pressure cause family and friends are all expecting a wedding. That sounds awful to me. Better to figure things out sooner rather than later 😅
Anyway, yeah, dating can be tricky and a lot of people allow imagination and fantasy to get involved if they're asked on a real date.
I've seen women turn guys done because they couldn't imagine a future with him.
Or there's that whole game of dating. Like, you need to wait 3 days before you can reach out to ask for another one, or whatever. It leaves so much pressure and uncertainty. It's way better to be kind of blunt.
Like, I'm asking you on one date to get to know you better. I'll let you know at the end of it if I'm interested in more, or not. Feel free to do the same.
My husband was even explicit about NOT looking for friends, so if it didn't go well, he'd more on. As some women will want to be friends but not date some guys they find somewhat interesting.
By the way, thank you for the zap! Did you want the book or did you just find what I wrote really valuable?
