I'm probably a bit too open at times..

I'm sure everyone deals with this kind of thing at one time or another, I'm just tired of it.

Love might be timeless, but there are other practicalities that place limits on things. For example, I've really screwed up. I want to have kids. But, I should have done that 20 years ago. Yes, yes, I still can sire children, but, that also places limits on the age of a woman I should be pursuing, and, at my age (which you'll probably laugh when I tell you), I'm well into the "yeah, that's gross" territory. And thinking about that makes me... Uncomfortable.

The one thing I've learned after I started writing last year and talking with another friend is that I treat myself like the villain of my own story. It's absolutely true that the worst parts of my life are my own fault, and I recognize that it's a very privileged position to be in, but, it also means that I don't treat myself very well. I've been struggling with that over a year now and I'm not making much progress.

I'm hesitant to give it my exact age, but I'm slightly over the answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything. If you know the reference, you'll get close enough to my age.

I really don't know if there's anyone that's even close enough to the weird matrix of my core values... Maybe close enough to smoke and nod when I'm getting exceptionally odd, but, I am not hopeful.

Duchess, you're very kind and caring. Thank you for being so lovely towards an odd stranger on the internet. I am half convinced your kindness is being wasted on me, but that might just be the self-doubt talking