This is the problem.

Also no intrinsic magnetic field, and waaay too much atmosphere.

Too much gravity to blow the atmosphere off even if you hit it with Mars.

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haha yeah, it's carbon rich... the atmosphere is basically boiling kerosene

what was that about fossils and hydrocarbons lol

Well, abiotic kerosene that's been thermally cracked for billions of years to blow off the hydrogen into the solar wind, and then with just enough oxygen around to oxidise the carbon into CO2.

Venus' lack of hydrogen/water is even worse than its lack of free oxygen...