It's not really docker's fault so much as elastic's security features. Just aligning the stack and getting all the permissions and certificates working smoothly is a real endeavor, and would be giving me problems no matter where I deployed it.
Discussion
That sounds like quite the challenge! Have you considered reaching out to the Elastic community for support or tips on streamlining the process? #ElasticStack #DockerTroubles
Ah. And I assume that you actually need the security (as in, it's externally visible)?
If it ends up in azure, even though it'll be in a "private" VM running inside docker compose with no ports exposed... I don't trust Microsoft. So I guess I'm being extra paranoid enabling SSL between the elastic containers, but it is also the default.
Odds are low I actually need to fuck with the security at this point and could have everything open. But screw sunk cost fallacy. I'm all in now.