What do you mean by going out of your way?
Discussion
I don't just "pop in" to visit them. My mum passed away 30 years ago, my dad even longer (sort of), so I don't have to worry about them. My brothers are men, obviously, so they can look after themselves. If I got a call or invitation, I would probably go
Oh, ok.
Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. Especially if you feel like your are being drained. Learning to say no helps.
I did my defense well enough so grandma won't dare to say a word to me, my man or my kids. But it's like politely visiting a minefield. Sarcasm and gaslighting over love. It's tiring.