The IRS should allow for me to write off my sourdough starters as dependents… they’re living organisms

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Give it a try.

For that matter, you should be allowed to write off every single person who lives off your taxes. They're dependent on your income. If the people knew you could do that, there would be a tax revolt by sundown. But they're too busy following orders because they like slavery.

Do it.

Jane Dough and Fermento Montoya

Lmaoooooo love it