My girlfriend was in a coma. The doctor tried everything, then he told me "there is one more thing we can try. It's a long shot, quite experimental." I said to him "anything, doc, anything we can do." He said "you could try oral sex" and I said "god no! oh god!" he says "I've seen it work" so I say "ok ok then I'll give it a try." So I go into her room, and five minutes later I come out and say "Doctor, doctor! she's choking!"

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I gave my cat a bath today. I know they say you aren't supposed to give cats baths, but she was dirty and so I did it anyway. And it turned out fine. She just sat there purring the whole time. So you can ignore what they say, it's perfectly fine to give a cat a bath. The fur will stick to your tongue a bit, but other than that there's nothing wrong with it.

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lol norm macdonald told that joke on conan

Correct, he told the top one. Who told the bottom one?

dunno but i think jeff goldblum would tell jokes like this lol

Steve Martin

ding!

This is the best pizza in a cup I've ever had!

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