ways to keep a man:

- demand a ring or threaten to unalive yourself (Harry Winston or death amirite)

- threaten to kim k yourself (to make the woman he actually loves mad)

- threaten to reveal corporate secrets (perhaps too many monkeys died and it's sad)

- threaten to reveal future plans (he wanted his cars in Russia right before the war started)

- threaten to expose family secrets (dad will do that all in his own)

- threaten to expose the family business (the inverse of whatever it was they did to me)

- use a baby for child support and the right to nag him forever (standard Povich behavior)

- play into his delusions (yes baby you must Genghis Khan this planet back to life)

- glaze him (they all get tired of this, sadly)

- create a political defense for his lies (conservatism is so cooked)

- threaten the bag (that CIA dossier's lookin' real thick there, buddy)

- threaten to cheat (there's always a simp somewhere!)

- threaten to go to the media (she can start a fight like nobody's (the network's) business)

- never ever disagree because you're scared to lose the funds (squabble up, bitch)

- strategically sabotage his new main by sending nudes (he gets millions to compare yours to)