Listen. What I'm about to tell you is so, so important. It's not important to me, though maybe you think it is, but really it's important to you. What I'm going to say, you need to make sure you listen very, very carefully. Okay? The future of this beautiful nation hangs in the balance.

I need you to make an investment in freedom today. We have these new--I don't know what you'd call them--digital trading cards, maybe? They told me they're digital trading cards, they know, I don't know, but I need you to make an investment for your own future by purchasing some of these wonderful cards. They really are fantastic, let's get a few of them up on the screen, okay? Wow. Look at this one, it's a picture of yours truly hugging the most beautiful icon--the American flag. So many more of these great cards can be yours, though I'm told there are only so many.