I considered quitting nostr.

I considered just creating a personal (real name) account and dropping this one.

I considered converting this one to my real name.

Ultimately I deeply fear rejection.

A deep sense of worthlessness.

Of feeling hated.

I've seen hate here pointed in my direction.

Having been told I "add no value" by a certain user, it caused a wonderful agony. For that I'm grateful.

Self hatred. The part of the ego that cannot be overcome, but must be embraced.

I've said some dumb stuff on this profile.

I also feel attachment to some profound moments I've recorded here. Even if it's just screaming into the void.

Oh what to do.

#asknostr

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Discussion

Deep.

It may surprise you to know that most humans have issues around their own worthiness. This applies to many people who appear to have everything going right for them. Underneath their exterior they have huge insecurities & perceived faults that they hope nobody will notice.

I recommend reading/listening to The 4 agreements (a short book) & then try to implement them.

The book has really helped me to love myself. If you can't love yourself unconditionally, how can you expect anyone else to?

Here's an audio version of the book:

https://v.nostr.build/O5JP.mp4

Thanks so much. Will check it out.

This profile is called Kensho for a reason. I've experienced the first awakening, as described in zen and elsewhere.

There is no overcoming. You can't fight the ego and win. The very idea of you is the ego. The invitation to myself to feel the fear and pain deeply and wordlessly is the cure of it.

Thanks again.

I have a feeling you'll enjoy it then.

The only fight I have is with my inner judge & victim.

Ironically, people who tell you “you have no value” have no value

Embrace the chaos