Maybe that's why I can't sleep anyway.

I keep fuckin around acting like idk... My subconscious is clearly double checking.

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Sounds like maybe it is time for slowing down introspective to inspect unknown internals mapping happening both in a sleepy yet highly aware mind-state, potentially reach self-truth state discovery about themselves.

Ahiks, maybe you've been suppressing and internally-aware damage spreading mechanisms/drive with surface-level procrastination and distraction so much that now its coming back to haunt/executing device. Please consider finding some balances between your work-boundaries and refresh-boundaries where you recuperate/replenish so you can more effectively approach demanding responsibilities such as sleep-concentrated activities or work-stress-contributory particles.

On the other hand, maybe it would be better for your subconsciousness to focus on something unconventional going forward — have written-loud festive tribune-writing that turned out to be appreciation-day tokens for mops and house-plants attendins.So instead of balls(trollin too waitdly)= experiment...a one-upped extravagant book club readings announcing until overwhelming mooning/day after questions etc.You never know where shining meant o-bon-odori-go principles yield expansive-meme-growths!