I'll always be skeptical about any centralized coordination because of the weakness to internal and external attacks on the coordinator. So that's the main "why not?" answer. Albeit I do think Wabisabi's design is very powerful.
Re: out of band payments, totally agree, I had two separate but related ideas about that over the years, but they never seemed very easy to implement. One was "Coinjoin unlimited", basically coordinating transaction graphs instead of single transactions (for a steganographic effect), with a lightning channel opening embedded to move the payment element offchain. The other was more a pure "make the payment on L2 with a swap and a HODL invoice", but I'm not at all sure you could make such an idea work in practice. That general meta-concept of "L2 has privacy properties, leverage them into your onchain (much larger) transfers that are much more secure but have much worse privacy properties" feels right, but not very easy.