I'm not trying to argue, but your theory makes zero sense, honestly.

You can't tell I bought a car with it. You can't tell if I wrote the keys down wrong or lost them on a boat or destroyed them in a fit of rage and now can't prove I'm Satoshi... You cannot prove I sent it to my cold storage, my cold storage isn't KYC. Is yours? You could attack me, make me give you my keys, search my property, etc, take me to court.

This is the power of bitcoin compared to fiat or gold. Why is it so hard to see? It's literally in the whitepaper.

There's a difference between private and anonymous. Bitcoin isn't private.