Moral of the story: Privacy on Bitcoin is incredibly difficult.

The recently updated Ashigaru whirlpool is probably the best option around, but it is still young and needs to decentralize their coordinator or risk the same fate as Samourai whirlpool. I commend their work and expect great things. Use your own node if you can.

More pennies for thought:

Wasabi smells like Feds and faggots to me, I wouldn't use it.

Stonewall is good but not great for privacy.

Running JoinMarket as a maker for a year seems like a crazy option.

You could consider atomic swaps into Monero, and eventually swap back after a few self-address shuffles.

Someone might recommend Lightning, but I would not.