In the eyes of God, I’m as wicked as Hitler

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Ya, but do you think God's gonna care about that if you're best buds? The Christian strategy is to try to get really close to God and just be like a funny little guy so that he can't help but look past all the atrocities you committed. Satan will be like "bruh he's a horrible person, why did you let him into heaven?" And God will be like "ya I know, but he's my best bud! How was I supposed to just toss him into hell like that?"

The system works.