But..wasn't nostr been created just for that, to have secure dms without third party in the middle ? What is then the alternative to have DM privacy ?

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No it was not. Nostr is primarily a broadcasting protocol. Dms are opposite - something you want to keep secret.

I don’t know of any solution as I’m not a developer. Either some genius thinks of something or we just don’t dm here.

As I understand it, securing (encrypting) the DMs isn't the problem, it's hiding who you are talking to.

Self hosting private relay fix this. Probably :)