Plebs,

I took some time off from Nostr, unsure of how much time I’ll really spend here, as I'm still navigating the depths of grief. However, I'm here, seeking solace in the hope that connecting might stir some emotions—be it a glimmer of happiness, a touch of hope, or a moment of peace—as I've been engulfed in a profound numbness.

This year did not start easy for me.

My most loyal companion passed away, embarking on her next journey, but I am still here on this Earth feeling completely devastated and heart broken while trying to tell myself she is in a better place with no pain.

Every morning I wake up and still look to where she would sleep just hoping that this was all a nightmare and she will be there looking at me with her big eyes, patiently waiting for me to roll out of bed and make us breakfast. Every time I return home I can still feel her excitement when she sees it’s me opening the door and every shower I take, I see the spot where she would patiently wait. Every night I find myself still asking her if she is ready to “night night”.

She was the epitome of beauty and perfection. She NEVER went to the bathroom in the house, NEVER bit anyone or any other animal, NEVER barked at any one, and she NEVER chewed shoes or anything in the house, literally PERFECT. She traveled with me around the world, my parter, my best friend, my heart. She was always happy to share her food, water, and toys with every dog she encountered. She allowed everyone to pet her, she was so patient and her kindness was endless, she was just 100% pure love.

I've experienced losses among friends and family, but this loss has by far been the hardest in my life. I suppose we all understand that humans, even our grandparents at one point were not “perfect” and they were for the most part in control of their own lives, so it’s easier to accept this because they lived how they wanted and they had a voice. But saying goodbye to your dog that was actually perfect in every way, showed her gratitude and loyalty everyday, spoke only the language of happiness and love, all while never doing anything wrong, it’s hard to say goodbye. Hard to find happiness outside of her because it feels there is nothing as pure as her little soul.

She was, and forever will be, my entire heart.

🕯️🫂🙏🐾💜🪽