Or nothing has to go, because when you censor people you will eventually be the one censored.

Fight or ignore hatred where you see it, but no central authority should hold the power to limit speech. That responsibility belongs solely with the individual, because if it does not then it eventually ceases to exist.

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I'm not really referring to platforms here. I'm referring to physical spaces and groups.

In that case set whatever standards you choose, so long as all involved are aware and agree upon the boundaries.