I am sympathetic to the idea that servers shouldn't talk to each other, but if you do trust your homeserver, wouldn't it talking to foreign servers on your behalf, at least hide your ip among other things?

Not sure what leakage are you referring to and what is the threat model.

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Also, nostr relays talk to each others, just not as a part of the protocol, but at least all strfry relays have the option to gossip and sync with each other efficiently