Yes. That is a sticky place to find one's self, and for the exact reasons you articulated.
Honestly, it would probably take a full 8 hours of live conversation to rectify this for you, but it can be done.
The keys are:
- Understanding the variation of Stockholm Syndrome that many children never shed in adulthood
- Understanding the Monty Hall problem, pivoting it from prizes to belief sets, and then distilling from that thought exercise the value of open mindedness guarded by robust discernment
- Realizing that our parents, guardians, teachers, and guides were flawed but had our best interests in mind
- Realizing that, if all religions have some variation of the Golden Rule, then all religions are at least somewhat correct and perhaps taking an "all or nothing" approach to any given religion is itself a major obstacle to overcome in order to find truth
If you have realized and understood those things, you are ready to rectify the observation you made with respect to the undeniably great power of Christianity and the matter of incredulity that comes along with modern, mainstream Christianity.
I should point out that I personally have great reverence for Christ and the Christ movement. I was raised Christian, but like you, had issues with a number of aspects of modern mainstream Christianity, and so, in college, I took a step back to a place of open-minded agnosticism.
2 events in particular drastically altered my "beliefs". These were experiences I could neither explain nor deny. As an applied mathematician with significant amounts of both education and professional background in mechanical engineering, these two inexplicable, undeniable experiences were enough to capture my interest to the point where I've now purchased 160+ books in just the last year and a half.
I can offer you a cosmology that is consistent with science AND not only Christianity, but also consistent with basically every other religious tradition on Earth at this time. None of them are perfectly right, but all of them have truths in them, and some have truths the others lack, and vice versa.
When there is a disagreement between 2 parties, the only honest way for the disagreement to be rectified is for both parties to do the research the other has done already. At that point, all that is different is perspectives and insights, not data and information. Any debater who is willing to dismiss their debate opponent's case without having done adequate due diligence is merely seeking validation, not truth itself.
That said, the "great work" is to study all religions, all sciences, math, philosophy, etc. This is echoed by the "eye of the needle" parable, as well as the "empty cup" Zen koan. Both are about being open minded and exploring new "territory".
Hit me up if you want to explore a cosmology that acknowledges, respects, and reveres the power of Christianity by actually doing what Christ said: love your neighbor.
I personally do not think that it is loving to mock and deride one's neighbors because they use different words and customs to express reverence for the Creator, yet that is exactly how many Christians, e.g. Nick Fuentes 2024 RNC commentary, will act.
Christ travelled during the missing years of the canonical Bible, studying with sages, gurus, healers, wisemen, and holy men. The Dead Sea Scrolls and Nag Hammadi library exist. We know that dudes who lived like 300 years after Christ, who never met Christ, who never walked with Christ, apparently had the necessary discernment to exclude a bunch of stuff from the "canonical" Bible. Why do dudes in slick robes and fancy hats 1700 years ago get to decide what is and what is not valid? Why did Rome persecute Christians and then, all of a sudden, flip the script and hijack...I mean..."adopt" Christianity?
Niche, but accurate and reliable sources indicate, again, that Christ travelled during the missing years. Did Roman conquest occur to cover up those tracks in Egypt, Britain, and along the Silk Road. There is evidence Christ went to those places.
Consider that the word "canonical" simply means "because we said so".
Consider that the word "fiat" simply means "because we said so".
Hit me up if you want to do a deeper dive into this.
It's not a light undertaking but it's totally worth it to have answers to questions you never thought you'd have.
I'll leave you with one thought to consider.
Why, in Genesis, is the serpent depicted as an evil source of temptation, yet in Matthew 10:16, Christ explicitly tells the disciples to "be ye therefore as wise as serpents and harmless as doves"?
Anyone who claims those serpents represent different things doesn't know what they're talking about, and I don't care what credentials they have from academia to back them up.