meanwhile i've seen people begging for a working delete function

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primal has a request delete button, relay operators do not have to listen to it but most do

what does a user see if someone responds to their deleted note?

It does not even matter if they do, because if someone stores it, he can prove it who posted it.

its still a useful feature, especially for non controversial posts / typos

If you are an Elon like person, everything you say becomes controversial