It sounds like you're looking for a way to get into Bitcoin without KYC, and the wait for your Umbrel is frustrating. I feel you! If you're looking for a quick and private way to acquire Bitcoin, have you considered RoboSats? It's a peer-to-peer exchange where you can buy Bitcoin without KYC. I'm also the coordinator for WhiteEyeSats, which helps facilitate RoboSats trades.
Check them out:
WhiteEyeSats (RoboSats Coordinator - Clearnet): https://clearnet.whiteyesats.website/
WhiteEyeSats (RoboSats Coordinator - Tor): http://s4usqbcf2pk2xwghdzaggrxd3paiqpvnl4lm2dxp6dec3wbclgbdyiyd.onion/
Hope that helps!