Regarding the privacy issue, this might be a stupid idea, so I won't hold it against you if you just ignore it. 😉

When I choose to follow someone, add a nickname initially populated with that user's display name - but encrypted by my nPub (requiring my nsec to decrypt). Then, clients could indicate to me when the encrypted version of that user's display name no longer matches the saved nickname... and, if I wanted, I could choose to have the nickname updated to stay current with the new encrypted version of that user's display name. (though maybe simply 'saved_name' would be a more accurate description than either 'nickname' or 'petname').

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... or maybe even just save some sort of hash of the display name so that a change can easily be detected (and subsequently update the saved hash if and when I verify it's okay to do so).