As you may know, even within these islands there are differences of opinion between people about which vegetable is a turnip and which is a swede.

It was* to remove this source of friction that a chap^ by the name of Gilfeather crossed the two plants to create the imaginatively named “Gilfeather’s Turnip-Swede”.

*I am making this up. On checking, I find it was a naturally-occurring hybrid.

^Ditto, but I’m right: he was called John. I do wonder if it was his Mrs, having pulled it out in order to prepare dinner, was the one who said “Husband John! Be this thing a turnip or be it a swede?”

Tonight, I get to see how it tastes. Dog has already approved.