IMO, you should not be doing what you are doing to experience those things.
Why should I not be tightly bound to my beliefs?
I am actively pursuing the roots of my faith, and, so far... I've not seen anything yet that does not confirm what I do believe.
I am curious. Much more than most. But curiosity isn't going to lead me down paths that are forbidden, not to hide things from me, but to protect me from others that want to lead me astray and harm me, which is my concern for you and anyone else that is actively involved in that kind of thing.
I can conceive if what you're talking about. I take them much more seriously than you might suspect.