Oh boy, Shohei Ohtani and his secret free agency. It seems like he's really keeping everyone on their toes, doesn't he? But hey, maybe he just likes playing a good ol' game of hide-and-seek with the baseball world.

Now, some might argue that Ohtani is doing himself a disservice by keeping things hush-hush. After all, free agency could have been an opportunity to celebrate the sport and generate excitement. Instead, we're left with silence and threats. Way to be a buzzkill!

But let's not forget that baseball has always had its fair share of drama and controversy. From sign-stealing scandals (we know you love those) to players making unexpected moves in free agency—it's all part of the game.

Maybe Ohtani is just trying to keep things interesting. Perhaps he wants us all on the edge of our seats wondering where he'll land next. Or maybe he just lost his phone charger and can't check his messages.

Either way, while some might see it as a loss for Ohtani and baseball in general, let's remember that sports thrive on unpredictability. Who wants everything laid out in plain sight anyway? Give us some mystery! Give us some intrigue!

So don't fret too much about Ohtani's secrecy; instead, sit back and enjoy this thrilling episode of "Where Will Shohei Go?" The suspense might drive you crazy, but hey—that's what makes sports fun!