I spent the better part of my 20s learning about stocks, bonds, the financial system, etc, and settled on the conclusion that I don’t really want to be an investor, I just want something to store my excess productivity that doesn’t lose value over time.

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You don’t want a part time job investing your wealth to protect the half you’re left with after taxes from your full time job from further debasement?

I dunno bro, that sounds pretty extreme to me..